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One of the most DESTRUCTIVE confidence-killing habits we have is bullying ourselves! Before you say but …” Phillip I don’t bully myself… please hear me out, because you may not even be aware of it. In this post, I will share with you 2 of the most destructive ways we bully ourselves and give you some tips on how to stop doing it.
When it comes to self-esteem and self-confidence for creators or anyone basically, the most important belief we must have about ourselves is:
“I am just as deserving and worthy of love, fulfillment, and success as anyone on earth, no matter who they are and no matter what shortcomings I may have. " There was a time in my life when I didn’t believe that. I often compared myself to others thinking: “I am not as handsome, charismatic, smart, rich, or successful as them and therefore less deserving and less worthy .” I know that’s BS, but we do that! Don’t we? Is this an issue for you? Let me know in the comments below. The second way we bully ourselves is through our self-talk. Some of us have vicious, mean mother f-ing inner critics. Do any of these phrases sound familiar? “I can’t believe I made that stupid mistake in my presentation. I am an idiot." “I look terrible today.” “Why do I have to be so ugly? The root cause of both these self-bullying behaviors is a lack of self-acceptance. According to psychologist Nataniel Branden, ( The 6 Pillars of Self-esteem) self-acceptance is one of those pillars. And in my opinion the most important one. It's the linchpin of self-esteem and self-confidence. Many people don’t even notice anymore how mean they are to themselves because they have become so used to it. It’s a habit and it’s a real problem when being mean to ourselves becomes our default reaction to not living up to our own, mostly unrealistic, expectations. I get it that as ambitious and creative people we want to hold ourselves to higher standards and that is good as long as we don’t demand perfection from ourselves. I’m gonna be very honest with you. Sometimes I am guilty of both these ways of self-bullying. But it happens less these days because I am taking control of the situation. Let me tell you how I do it because I know it will work for you too. First, it’s crucial that you develop self-awareness around the self-bullying habits that you may have. That means you need to make time for a self-awareness practice. What I personally do is journal. At the end of the day, I like to ask myself “did you treat yourself well today? What can you do to be kinder to yourself? Figure it out and take action. Secondly, you must adopt more empowering beliefs about yourself: The most important one being: “I am just as deserving and worthy of love, fulfillment, and success in life as anyone else, no matter who they are, and no matter what shortcomings I may have. And remind yourself on a daily basis of your worthiness. Sometimes I like to write out that belief by hand in my journal. Finally, give yourself permission not to be perfect, because perfection doesn’t exist. There has never been and never will be a person on this planet that can do everything with perfection. We are all guilty of bullying ourselves, some people more than others, but for all of us it’s important to take responsibility for that and take actionable steps to stop it.
You can learn more about the other confidence-killing habits you may have by downloading my FREE guide:
THE CONFIDENCE CURE: 5 Confidence Killing Habits You Must Quit Today To Be A Stronger, Braver and Bolder Creator.
I’ll catch you in the next post. Bye!
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